Thursday, July 19, 2007

Why I don't open my front door

I know, it sounds completely antisocial.
And I've been accused by a couple of people in the last little while of being a hermit.
But how the hell else would I ever get this stuff done?!
Anyway, back on subject.
Yesterday two nicely dressed people spent a rather lot of time at the end of my driveway, then one of them came to my front door. Nicely dressed people in my driveway make me suspicious. Very suspicious.
Now. Before you judge me too harshly, and I know you already think I'm completely paranoid, I used to answer the front door. After a while I noticed an alarming trend, everyone who came to my front door wanted something. Money, the insane neighbor (who's "accidental" death I am now configuring) wanting free guitar repairs, or, as in the case of yesterday's visitor, to save my eternal soul from the firey pit of hell in which it currently resides. Quite happily, I might add.
So the nicely dressed visitor knocks politley on my front door as I hide. Loki does the ritual barky thing for her and she pushes this through my mail slot:


I have no problem with people following an organized religion. Many of my friends are spiritual in some way. I like that. It makes for interesting and sometimes animated discussions. People need to have different points of view or we may as well all live in Stepford.
I do have a slight problem with the above tract. When did Jesus start using "the" before his name? Has he been hanging out with The Donald? Does he now refer to himself in that alarming third person way? And hey! What's with the 'do? He looks like the after shot in a Grecian Formula beard ad. He's all clean cut and incredibly white for someone with a middle eastern background from 2000 years ago.
And it immediately brought this to my mind:


Buddy Christ (or should it be "The" Buddy Christ?) from the movie Dogma. He was the new "hipper" persona that the Catholic church thought would bring young people back to the fold. It was supposed to be funny. It wasn't real. It was a movie. Heaven help us, somebody thinks it'll work!
Just look at that tract. Doesn't The Christ look awfully close to giving us all a big thumbs up? Yipes!
So. The end of this tragic tale is this: if you're a friend of mine don't come to the front door. Come around to the back, I have the kettle on.

3 comments:

Holly said...

I'm sure if you followed The Christ, he could show you how to use The Google to look things up on The Internets...

kimber said...

When I was a youngster in catechism class, we actually discussed this (snore). Christ is, by literal meaning, a tital, not part of a name so sticking "the" in front of it is grammatically correct. We're all so used to seeing Jesus Christ without "the" in the middle, so it looks funky stupid when someone actually puts it there.

I love the movie, Dogma. That is seriously one of my all time favorites!!

Lorena said...

Ahh, get out of my head! I was thinking "Buddy Christ" before I scrolled down another inch and saw that you were thinking the same thing.

Tee.